im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
