i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
