It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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