i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
