Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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