This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
