he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
