God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
