so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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