Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
