Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
