She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
