I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
