Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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