HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
