I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
