It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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