ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
