a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
