I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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