I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
