addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
