You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
