a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you didnt know i had herpes?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
