I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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