Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
