I think im going to throw up on grandma
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
