Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
