guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
