if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
