Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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