omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
