you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
