FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
