drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
