There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
