I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
