Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
