Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
