Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
