...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
