Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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