Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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