So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
