i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
