Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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