How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
