just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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