jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
