I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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