people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
