Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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