You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
