btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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